The first night of a women's retreat I arose to speak and dropped the pen I had in my hand. I knew I should leave it on the floor but bent to pick it up anyway. When I did, my pages of notes slid off the podium. This time there was no choice, so once again the women saw me diving down to retrieve the notes under the table. Fortunately, the notes landed in a stack, but by this time the women were fully awake wondering just what might happen next to this unfortunate speaker.
The next day as I spoke, I still felt the sting of embarrassment at such an awkward start. Although I sensed the Holy Spirit was at work, I felt like a failure.
I finished speaking and as I sat down, the Holy Spirit whispered, "You want to be thought of as a good speaker, don't you?" His tone was gentle, not chiding, but as though He was tenderly revealing to me the source of my unrest.
"Would you be willing to continue speaking for Me if you always feel a failure when you finish?"
I pictured myself going to more retreats and feeling awkward, and I wanted to say, "No, please, Lord, I'd rather stay home." But there was only one answer to give. During the concluding activities, I sat on the front row with tears rolling down my cheeks as my heart yielded to Him the role of defining what success would mean for me.
Fanny Crosby summed up our life in Christ when she wrote, "Perfect submission, all is at rest." Not having any will of our own except a longing for His will to be fulfilled-that is perfect submission and that is rest.
Rev. Payson wrote, "What a blessed thing to lose one's will! Since I have lost my will I have found happiness!"
Thank You, Jesus, for a will that is content to rest in Your choices.
"My nourishment comes from doing the will of God, who sent me" (John 4:34)