Selected Articles from January & February 2008 Issue
Editorial
Re-discovering the Art of Tarrying
by Aletha Hinthorn
On the day of his mother’s death, Bill Bright said that for years his mother had spent most of her day hours and many night hours in prayer for him. His Campus Crusade ministry extends around the world. Probably no one would have been more surprised than his mother to know the exceedingly abundant answer God would give for her hours of intercession.
My friend Marge Owens told me about her praying mother. “Mother wasn’t an eloquent pray-er. In fact, I don’t remember ever hearing her pray in church, but Mother’s walk-in closet was her sacred place. We were afraid of that prayer closet. When she’d pray, it sounded more like sobbing.”
"My older brother had gone away from the Lord, and we’d hear her crying, ‘Oh, Lord save my boys.’”
“She fasted so much that the doctor told her, ‘You’ll have to stop fasting or you’ll die. You’re losing too much weight.’”
“‘If that’s what it takes to get my boys saved, then I’ll die,’ she said.”
During revival, a group gathered at noon each day at the church to fast and pray. Some would close their businesses to join in prayer. One day, as they were praying, Marge’s mother began to repeatedly exclaim, “Oh, my boy is going to get saved tonight! My boy is going to get saved tonight!”
“Her boy wasn’t even coming to church, so the others wondered how that could be. But Mother had heard from heaven.”
That night as they gathered in church, in walked her son. He said, “Today when I was out in the field I had the combine up on a jack. I was under it trying to fix it and I rolled out to get something. All at once that jack slipped and the combine fell where I had just been lying. As I lay there thinking about what had happened, God said, ‘Today is your day.’ I promised God I would come to church tonight. I knew mother had prayed through.”
Marge said, “That brother became a district superintendent in the Wesleyan church and later founded the Bartlesville Wesleyan Bible College. When I look at a picture of our family and realize that 44 of my mother’s descendants are in active ministry, I wonder what would have happened to them if my mother had not prayed through.”
Wesley Duewel’s books on prayer have been translated into many languages and there are nearly 1,000,000 in print. A prayer room at OMS headquarters in Greenfield, Indiana, where he was president is dedicated to his praying mother. When Wesley was five years old, he came running into the house from the sandbox, crying, “Oh, Mommy, Mommy, Jesus just told me when I get big I’m supposed to go to India to tell people about Him. Mommy, I want you to go along with me!”
Wesley adds, “And she did, in her prayers—two and three hours a day.”
Susanna Wesley is well-known for the disciplining of her children. Behind that discipline, though, were many prayers, agony and tears. Her children knew that daily she went to her room for secret prayer for them. An hour in the morning and another in the evening were set aside for communion with God. After prayer Susanna would rejoin her family, bright, cheerful, and calm.
I remember my own mother’s prayer closet. When I couldn’t find her, I knew where to go. I’d open the door to her bedroom closet, and she’d look up at me, often with tears on her face. How much I owe to the love that caused those tears!
Andrew Murray said that where there's more prayer, there's more of the Spirit. And where there's more of the Spirit, there is ever increasing prayer. It is in praying that these mothers learned to pray. As they prayed, their desire to continue in prayer increased.
Is your desire to intercede increasing? Women will soon be gathering in St. Simons, Georgia, to pray. We’ll be discussing such topics as the art of tarrying in prayer. Mostly, though, we will be praying.
Are you interested in praying corporately with other women to seek God for revival in your home, our churches, our nation, and the world? If your heart longs to be with other intercessors, come be a part of the Lydia Prayer Conference at Epworth Center in St. Simons, Georgia, February 7-9, 2008.
Beth Coppedge, the leader of this call to prayer, writes, “John and Charles Wesley both served there as missionaries with General Oglethorope in 1735-1737. It was after they returned to England that God transformed their lives and the eighteenth century revival was begun. We believe if Jesus did it once, He can do it again!”
Out of the Mud Puddle and Into the Stream of the Spirit
By Beth Coppedge
Being Available to the Holy Spirit
Luke 3:2 says, “And the word of God came to John.” The word of the Lord that had not been heard for 400 years came to John in the wilderness, and John heard it. If you and I are beginning to live in the fullness of God in the Holy Spirit, we will begin to hear the word of the Lord. How long has it been since you heard the word of Jesus?
The coming of John the Baptist was recorded in the book of Isaiah 800 years before, when Isaiah said, “A voice of One will come crying out of the wilderness: Prepare the way of the Lord; make His paths straight. Every valley will be filled, and every mountain will be brought low. The crooked places will be made straight, and the rough places smooth, and all flesh will see the salvation of God” (Isaiah 40:3-5).
The salvation of God is for all men, all women, and all children of every nationality and culture. The way that you and I enter into a love relationship with the Eternal God is to let God deal with the sin in our lives.
John the Baptist not only said that they needed to repent of their sin, but also asked them to give an outward, visible symbol that something had changed in their hearts. This occurred through the act of water baptism, so that their repentance would go on record.
But John did not leave it at baptism. He said he didn’t want just the symbolic act of baptism. He wanted to see fruit in their lives as evidence that they had been transformed by repentance from sin. John wanted them to bear fruits worthy of repentance, instead of having a religious pedigree. It is not enough to say, “I’m Baptist, or Methodist, or Episcopalian, or Catholic.”
We have to come to the place where we let God deal with sin in our hearts. When we let Him, the beautiful presence of the Holy Spirit comes in to deal with the guilt of sin, the power of sin, and the love of sin, so that sin can be dealt with in the depths of our souls.
Let’s look at Isaiah 40 and put this in context. Isaiah says, “One is coming who will tell of the Messiah.” What will He say? He will say, “Comfort Me, comfort My people.” What comfort is John the Baptist going to bring to his people? He is going to say that their warfare is ended, that their iniquity is pardoned, and that they have received from the Lord’s hand double for all their sins.
This is where the blood of Jesus comes in, which was shed for us. The reality is that you and I no longer have to have a divided heart. We no longer have to say, “Will I sin or will I not sin?” We can know a strength that comes from the power of the Holy Spirit. Only then can God move in and break the power of sin in our lives.
This is also for hidden sin. God can put His finger on our hearts and lives and say, “This needs to go, that needs to go, and that needs to go.”
We can be transformed at the deepest levels of our being through the blood of Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit. That is the most freeing message of the cross of Calvary; God can set us free.
We do not have to live with unforgiveness. We do not have to live with past abuse. God can take our scars—even when we have been sinned against—move in and transform every single thing in our lives that has been done to us or that we have done. Isaiah 40:2 says, “He can give double for our sin.”
God can use even our hurts and brokenness to be able to transform the scars. In his book Wounds That Heal: Bringing Our Hurts to the Cross, Steve Seamands calls them “radiant scars that God can use for His glory.”
There is no better time than today to ask, “God, have I let You deal with everything in my life that’s not right?” There is no place for coddled sin. You need to get gut-level honest, because if you do not deal with everything that He brings to the light, it will be the destruction of your life, your home, your marriage, your children, your grandchildren, and your great-grandchildren to the third and fourth generations. It is more serious than cancer because it is eternal.
You say, “Well, I’ve got a mean temper.” Take it to Jesus and say, “Jesus, what are the root causes?” Get down to that mean temper.
You have to be willing to say “Jesus, I have a problem with lust.” There is not a single person in the whole world that does not have a problem with human sexuality. The only solution for the driving force, the incredible force of human sexuality in our personal relationships is the fire of the Holy Spirit, so that we fall more in love with Jesus than any other person in our lives. That is the only cleansing force that is able to keep us squeaky clean.
If you are just slipshod about your relationship to Jesus, if you love Him kind of half-heartedly, you need to let the warfare be ended in your soul. When Jesus Christ is allowed to be all that He wants to be in your life, you will present heart purity to Jesus, your husband, and to your children. There is no other way to do it until you are clean before God and the main love of your life is Jesus Christ.
I would like to say that it is not that serious, but I have lived long enough to see person after person fall out of Christian service and fall out of life; I have seen everything destroyed because of hidden sin that was never dealt with.
Is your warfare ended? Is your iniquity pardoned? Have you received double for all the sin in your life so that God can transform it? God wants to do that.
I love the little book, My Heart Christ’s Home. It’s about a young man who asks the Lord Jesus to come into his heart as Savior. The Lord Jesus enters the young man’s heart and goes from room to room. Jesus goes into the kitchen to clean up the desires and appetites of the young man’s life.
Jesus goes into his family room and establishes a daily quiet time with the young man. He goes into the recreation room and changes the recreation in this new believer’s life.
One day, the new believer comes home and finds that Jesus is leaving his heart house and moving onto the back sun porch. The young believer had begun to know the presence of God in his life and didn’t want to lose it, so he asked, “Lord Jesus, where are You going?”
Jesus looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, I can’t live here in your heart house. There’s an incredible stench. I think it’s coming from that hall closet.”
In an instant the young believer knows exactly what Jesus means and he becomes angry. He thinks, “I’ve given to Jesus everything in this house! Surely, I can just keep one little hall closet. It’s just one little thing I want to do, and nobody needs to know about it.”
Immediately Jesus reads his mind and says, “That’s all right. I’m not making you give it up, but I can’t live in the same house with stench coming from that closet.”
The young believer was faced with the decision all of us are faced with. “What will I do with the hall closet?”
Finally he says, “Jesus, I can’t clean out the hall closet. I’ve tried and tried.”
Jesus says, “I know, but I can clean it out. The question is will you give me the key?”
The new believer struggles, but the thought of losing the presence of Jesus is too great to bear so he takes the key out of his pocket and hands it to Jesus. Jesus unlocks the door and cleans out the dead things, the filth, the impurity, and the death. Then He paints it and fills it with the sweet love and laughter of His presence.
The new believer kneels in front of Jesus and says, “No longer will I be the host in my house. Jesus, may I be the guest and You be the host? Could You come and indwell me?” That is what God wants to do today in you and in me.
Beth Coppedge is director of Titus Women and is a much loved speaker for the Come to the Fire conferences. Beth serves on the Women Alive Ministries council.
I’m a Bride Again
By Marilyn Darnell
Me, a bride? I made a big mistake the first time I was a bride. My husband and I were not prepared for marriage, and it was a disappointing experience—both the wedding day and many months and years thereafter.
But…a bride again? I have been divorced for many years, and I always wanted to remarry and have a healthy marriage relationship, but now? At the Come to the Fire Conference 2007, God gave me a new vision of what it means to be the Bride of Christ.
When Tracey Goss gave her testimony about abortions and failed relationships on Thursday evening, I experienced such deep grief that I began to weep and quickly went to the altar to pray when the invitation to come forward was given. Why was I feeling such pain? I didn’t really know, unless I was grieving over failed relationships and pain from the past. I had given those experiences to God and had forgiven all the people involved, so why such intense grief now?
Several friends came around to pray with me. I began to talk to them through my tears, trying to express and understand what I was feeling. If this is pain from the past, why do I feel it so strongly now? As I talked, I began to share about the early days after my divorce, mentioning that various people had said to me, “Let Jesus be your husband,” and they had given me Scriptures about this.
At the time I was resentful. I didn’t want a “spirit” husband. I wanted one with skin on. God could be my God, but not a husband to me. As the years passed, I continued to resist accepting Jesus as my husband, and I continued to be single.
At the conference, I shared how moved I was now by the way Tracey said she loved being the Bride of Christ and knowing that He loved her. I had listened to Tracey, and for the first time I had a desire for Christ to be my husband. I finally wanted to be the Bride of Christ. We finished praying, and I got up at peace that God was working in my life.
Another speaker had also shared on Thursday evening of her journey from attempted suicide to healing and wholeness.
The next morning she sat down beside me, and I told her of my deep grief the night before. I also said that while I had never wanted to commit suicide, I had wanted to live a better life and be loved by someone, but had never felt truly loved. As we cried and prayed together, I suddenly had a vision of my chest being torn open and all of the hurt and grief revealed. A quiet Voice simply said, “I’m filling up your heart with My love to replace all the hurt and grief. There isn’t any room left for the hurt.”
I was quite overwhelmed and could not even speak of what was happening. I knew that now I was truly loved as a bride, with Jesus as my husband.
I continue to hold the mental image of my open heart and the feeling in my heart of being the bride of Christ. He has prepared me to love Him and to accept His love.
Who ever thought I would be a bride again?
Marilyn Darnell lives in Olathe, Kansas and volunteers her time to the Come to the Fire project management and conference publicity committees.
A Teachable Spirit
By Vicki New
The week before the Come to the Fire conference, Beth Coppedge, who was to be the keynote speaker for the conference and whom I was to accompany, was faced with a devastating tragedy when her husband suffered a massive heart attack. Prayers went out around the world for Dr. Coppedge. The power of prayer is remarkable and Dr. Coppedge is continuing daily to improve. Beth was unable to attend Come to the Fire. We sadly went forward attending the conference without her.
When Jeannine Brabon, a speaker from Colombia, South America, and I arrived in Kansas on Tuesday, Aletha Hinthorn met us at the airport. Being the organized, detailed, structured person that I am, my first question to Aletha was, “What are your plans for filling in for Beth?” She quietly answered, “I’m not sure. I’m waiting on the Lord.” She was so calm and full of assurance.
On Wednesday morning we attended one of the most dynamic prayer group meetings I’ve ever attended. There the details of the conference and concerns on our hearts were turned over to the Lord. The prayers in that room were so passionate, they had to reach straight to the throne of God. Following the prayer meeting, we went back to the church in Olathe to begin organizing, setting up tables, and getting ready for the conference. Again, I asked Aletha, “What are you planning to do?” Aletha again shared in a quiet voice she was waiting on the Lord. She was the perfect picture of sweet servanthood, trust, and faith. I, on the other hand, was beginning to panic for her.
Thursday morning arrived and the Council was to meet to discuss the conference plans. At that point, I was really getting nervous and had butterflies in my stomach. If I had been in charge and expecting over 1,000 women to attend the opening session of a women’s conference just a few hours away, and my keynote speaker who was scheduled to speak three times wasn’t able to attend, I would have been frantic. I would have gone to the other speakers asking, “Can each of you speak twice? Can you fill in here?” Then my schedule would have been taken care of, and I would have crossed it off my list. But that’s not the way God works, and that’s not the way Aletha works
She taught me a valuable lesson in patience and waiting on the Lord. The conference was not Aletha’s conference. It was the Lord’s. She wanted to do it the way He wanted, and she patiently waited for Him to speak to her. He did. She was obedient and Jesus came! What a conference!
As the conference began on Thursday evening and the theme song, “Come to the Fire,” was sung by Kim McLean and Devon O’Day, cold chills and excitement overwhelmed me. A flood of emotions began in anticipation of what the Lord was going to do as I remembered how the conference touched our lives the year before. The flame in us that burned softly all year was rekindled and flared up as over 1,000 women lifted hands in praise and worship to our heavenly Father. He came and we Beheld His Glory!
The conference wasn’t about a particular speaker. It was about Him. It wasn’t Aletha’s or the Council’s agenda. It was His!
Psalm 40:1 says, “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.”
Isaiah 30:18, “…blessed are all who wait for him!”
I want to thank Aletha for her lesson to me in patience, trust, prayer, and faith and for teaching me the importance of waiting on the Lord. When we go forward in our own strength and with our own agendas, we miss the blessing of all God has in store for us. Come to the Fire 2007 was totally aligned according to God’s plan and over 1,000 women were blessed, taking the fire home to spread through their families, churches, communities, and nation.
Vickie New is the administrative assistant for Titus Women in Wilmore, Kentucky.
God’s Plans Are Perfect
Beth Coppedge, the slated key note speaker, was unable to attend because her husband suffered a massive heart attack the week before the conference. The Lord did not lead us to ask other speakers to fill in, so we went forward trusting Him, eager to see what He had planned for the three times Beth was scheduled to speak.
Months earlier Beth had asked Tracey Goss, a former media personality and popular model, to give her testimony before she spoke on Thursday night. Tracey shared that after having had three abortions, she never felt “clean” enough to be totally His—until the Holy Spirit invited her to be, not just His bridesmaid, but His bride. The altar lined with women after she spoke.
Linda Boyette, the Friday morning presenter, struggled to know what God wanted her to share. He had given her two messages, and she did not know which to give. Give both messages, the council decided—one on Friday morning and the other Friday night during what was to have been Beth’s time. Both times, women streamed to the altar.
Saturday morning when Beth was to speak again, extra time was given to Jeannine Brabon who had come from Colombia, South America for this meeting. Jeannine ministers in one of the most dangerous prisons in the world—where the guards themselves refuse to enter into the secured areas. Jeannine has witnessed 40 prisoners come to Christ—prisoners who, after being released, became pastors. As a result, 21 churches have been started.
God had gone ahead of us in planning the conference.
The final moments of the conference were spent in worship and praise as the women experienced the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. The theme “Behold His Glory” was indeed a reality as women experienced His presence.
God had planned the conference in ways we could not have anticipated.
Aletha Hinthorn
Testimonies from 2007 Come to the Fire Conference
Over 100 women emailed comments after the conference. Below are a few of them.
I had never been to a conference before, but the minute I walked in, I could feel God's presence. I enjoyed all of it. I also was healed of diabetes the night I was there.
Rita, Breakpointe Community Church, Overland Park, Kansas
I received a new sense of my responsibility to intercede for other nations. Sometimes the task of taking the gospel to unreached peoples seems too huge for "just me" to do anything about, but I was challenged as never before to be a missionary of intercession.
This conference was different from any other I have attended (literally dozens) in that its objective was not to give us the warm fuzzies or even to remind us that God cares about our problems. It was to help us seek Him at a deeper level and understand our part in seeing His glory cover the earth.
Faith, Church of God (Holiness), El Dorado Springs, Missouri
I was amazed at how many women came forward for healing. Several of the ladies from our church were together, and we all received such a blessing. We will be talking about it and thanking the Lord for the next year. I told my sister that it was the best thing I have experienced in 25 years. The Holy Spirit was there.
Patricia, First Church of the Nazarene, Kansas City, Missouri
God was so thick that if He had been jello we would have had to use a knife to cut through Him! The ladies in our church have continued to be inspired by the conference and have passed that inspiration on to the other ladies.
God met me there. The last half hour of the conference, I actually felt like we would fly away. It was totally awesome!
Tina, Church of the Nazarene, Centralia, Illinois
In the middle of keeping my life as an educator organized and running smoothly, I had neglected my deep need for personal solitude and quiet meditation. The prayer room at the conference provided just that place to reflect and inwardly re-prioritize.
Since the Come To The Fire conference, I have focused on fostering continual communication with my Maker … having moments of silence not only in the morning, but throughout my day. I take my “prayer room” with me into my car when I am driving and into my classroom. I want nothing more than to be in His presence moment by moment.
Kristi, The Vineyard, Kansas City, Missouri
I liked the corporate feeling of the awesome presence of the Holy Spirit. It was completely evident who was in control. The enemy had tried numerous times in the weeks before my attending to keep me from being there physically. I heard the Lord telling me, “Don't give in; just keep going.” I am so thankful that I listened because at one point in the last session, I could feel the enemy’s presence walk away. There was a release that took place that I could literally feel. It was the most empowering moment. The Lord also clarified the work he wants me to complete.
I have never been so moved as I was at Come To the Fire ’07. Praise the name of my Lord!
Tonia, Church of the Nazarene, Hillsdale, Michigan
I came to realize I had low expectations of Christ and what He would do for me, probably because of wrong choices in my past. But the Lord really spoke to me at the conference and filled me with great expectancy at what He can and will do in my life. He reminded me that I am washed clean from the past. Jesus is enough for me!
I am resting in Him, trusting in Him, clinging to Him, waiting expectantly for Him, making Him my shield and tower, and taking refuge in Him because He truly is enough for me!
Jennifer, Christ Church, Overland Park, Kansas
I loved the fact that it wasn't about “the show” or, really, the people involved/on stage; it was about God, and what God has done, can do, and will do for and through His people.
I also appreciated the fluidity, not fanfare, with which everything was handled. There were no big announcements like, “This is who's coming next.” You just did it. Mother Teresa said, "…too many words … Just let them see what you do." I felt like this conference was the first to have actually done that!
Thank you for bathing the conference in prayer long before we even signed up!! It was evident from the moment we stepped into the building!! I have a list of people who want to go next year!
Ani, Church of the Nazarene, Dallas, Texas
Helping Your Kids Discover Solitude
Anna Derbyshire
“Josiah kicked me out of the room and locked the door,” Caleb told his mother and me.
I instantly went to the dorm area at the campground where Caleb had said my son Josiah was playing. The boys had been getting along splendidly all week, and I was concerned that perhaps they had finally gotten into a fight.
I found him just as Caleb had described … locked in our dorm room.
“Josiah, are you okay?” I knocked on the door.
As he opened it, I peeked over his shoulder to see Legos scattered on the floor where he had played alone.
“Did you and Caleb have a fight?”
“No,” he calmly answered, returning to his blocks. I waited for more explanation, but in true boyish fashion he offered none.
“Don’t you want to play with Caleb anymore?”
“Not right now,” he replied.
“Josiah, you hurt Caleb’s feelings. Why don’t you want to play with him? Did you quarrel?” I tried getting him to talk.
“No. Mommy, I just need some time alone right now. I will play with him again later.”
I sat on the edge of the bed stunned by my four-year-old’s response. He needed time alone?
Since when does a four-year-old need time alone? I wondered.
When I told Caleb’s mother about my conversation with Josiah, we both laughed.
Just as Josiah promised, he later came in search of Caleb, and they toddled off to find ant lions.
As I recalled that incident later, I realized he wasn’t the only one who needed time alone. Each of my children needs solitude, so I started watching for opportunities to give them down time.
In our busy culture I think we view down time as a sin. I’m not saying we set out to pack our schedules, but the byword among parents seems to be, “Give my child the opportunity.”
If our child is offered a place on the soccer team, we check our schedule. We already have Monday afternoon piano lessons, Tuesday and Thursday night classes for education credits at work, Wednesday night choir practice, and Friday afternoon play day, but we have Tuesday and Thursday afternoons before 5:00 open, so we fit in this new activity.
When we say “yes” to outside offers, we may be trading out a family mealtime or maybe just a quiet afternoon. Then we wonder why we don’t have time to read the kids The Trumpeter Swan before bedtime.
Our responsibility is to ensure that our children have a different kind of priority in their lives—the priority of down time.
When our children show signs of needing solitude, we encourage them to turn off the TV, CD players, and video games, and go into their rooms to spend some quiet time.
At first this may take a great deal of personal discipline. So much outside stimulation is going on in our lives that we hardly know how to sit alone with our own thoughts.
From time to time we practice silence in our home. When I set the kitchen timer for 45 minutes, no one is allowed to talk or have any type of noise going into their heads; however, they are allowed to read, draw, write, and build with blocks—anything that does not involve noise. The younger children have to be reminded throughout the quiet time to remain silent, but they learn and each time they improve.
This profoundly affects our entire day. Even after the timer goes off, it takes another half hour or so for everyone to return to full noise level.
Some children need solitude more than others. Our son Josiah fits that category. As teenagers, I see our children naturally begin to draw away to be alone, and they should be allowed that freedom.
As we train our minds and our children’s minds to enjoy quiet times, we also equip our families with the discipline that Christ displayed. The gospels tell of the Lord drawing away to solitary places. In Mark 1:35 it states, “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” Also in Luke 4:42, “At daybreak Jesus went out to a solitary place.”
Perhaps we think the Lord cannot understand the dilemma we face with our children because of so many outside distractions. Maybe we think it was easier for Him than for us with all of the demands of our hurry-up-and-get-more-done world. But both passages show the crowds always pressing in. He didn’t just face alluring activities and outside distractions—He was the alluring activity and the outside distraction! Everyone wanted to see what He would do next. Everyone had his or her own needs that only He could meet, and all of the people looked for the opportune moment to get to Him. And yet, He still found places and times of solitude. He chose to have those times, and so must we.
By taking time for solitude, as Christ did, we also equip our souls with the ability to sit with Him. As I allow my children to be alone in their rooms, I also encourage them to sit with Him in the throne room.
Just a few days ago Josiah and I were trying to work through some Algebra II problems. He was struggling, and I was not doing too well either. As he grew more frustrated, I knew that Algebra II was not what he really needed to work on at that moment.
“Josiah, have you spent time with the Lord today?” I was pretty certain I knew the answer.
“No,” he responded pathetically.
“Why don’t you go and do that first, then we can work on the Algebra,” I encouraged.
I knew he didn’t want to spend time trying to be spiritual, but he went to fulfill the duty anyway.
He stayed in his room without music, TV, or video games for more than half an hour. When he emerged from his room, his entire countenance had changed. He approached me as I was fixing dinner, put his arm around me, and playfully tried to lick the spaghetti sauce off my stirring spoon.
“So how is the Lord doing?” I asked him.
“He is great, as usual,” he willingly responded.
As we got back to Algebra II, he interrupted the lesson by telling me, “It’s amazing how spending time alone with the Lord makes all the difference inside of me.”
“Yes, it is,” I answered. I reveled in the Lord’s faithfulness to communicate with my son, and I thanked Him for teaching me how important solitude is for my children.
Even our secular culture is hearing warning sirens about kids being over-involved. Counselors, also, are sounding the alarms.
How much more should we, the recipients of the Counselor, know the fullness of His ways? His loving plan has never been for us to run ourselves ragged after the rewards of this world, whether those rewards are money or t-ball trophies.
These things are not evil in themselves. Yet when we fill our time and our children’s time chasing after them, what happens?
Jesus put it like this: “No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money” (Luke 16:13).
Our homes can serve only one master. Who will be our master? The Lord knows the demands placed on our time; His time was pressed as well. Hebrews 4:15 gives us great hope in Christ: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Our Lord does sympathize with time crunch. He does know our weakness to give into demands that we should say “no” to. Yet He provides the throne of grace where we can go during our time of need. Just as He walked through the temptations, in His strength so can we.
When Josiah was four he taught me that he needed to get away from the fun and the friends and the frenzy of life. Now as a young man he is still learning that times away change who he is, how he thinks, and his reactions to the world.
I could have gone with my first instinct when he opened that camp dorm door and scolded him for not being with Caleb. I could have been harsh with Josiah at the Algebra table for not getting a grip and facing the challenge. However, the Father has taught me that I must let my children draw away from the crowds; the crowds will always be there. And when they draw away with the Father, the greatest miracle of all can happen—my children can be like the Father’s Son.
Anna Derbyshire lives in Wichita Falls, Texas, with her husband and nine children. This is a chapter from her new book Raising Kids With Passion for God available on this website.
Change or Self-Destruct
Katy Jo Demaris
A stew pot boiled on a back burner of my heart after I read Francine Rivers novel, And the Shofar Blew. Eunice's story told of her life as wife of a mega-church pastor who slipped from grace. I identified. Fiction or not, the story felt real to me. It didn't matter that the novel finished with all the lose ends nicely tied together in a godly manner. Unlike the book, when I finished the final chapter, my life felt raw and bleeding.
I talked to the Lord, our oldest daughter, and a mental health counselor. I poured out many past hurts against my husband Jerry—years of painful experiences, a marital separation, and his disobedience to God.
Each listener gave me good advice, patted me on the back and said, “That was in the past. You have forgiven Jerry. Think forward.”
With their counsel, I fooled myself into thinking I’d cauterized all the open sores, bandaged all the wounds, and had complete healing.
Then I picked up The Atonement Child by Ms. Rivers. The jacket showed abortion as the theme. Easy read, I thought. No abortion skeletons hidden in my closet. Only I kept identifying with the mother in the book. She knew exactly how to whip out the old pain and to nurture the same old hurt against her husband year after year. I, too, lost sight of the fact that Jerry had confessed his sins and was living close to God these days.
In the past whenever we hit a snag in our marriage, and there were several in our forty-five years, I survived by praying and writing in a journal. These days I didn’t know how to write in my journal. Over the past year, Jerry had thanked me often for sticking close to him, for loving him in spite of his downfalls, and for helping him fight cancer.
Many times Jerry expressed his gratitude for my being his wife and asked forgiveness. The closer he walked to the Lord, the more specific his request. He never brought up my wrongdoing. He took ownership of his alcoholism, lust, and greed. He didn’t say, “Excuse my dishonesty.”
He said, “Please forgive me. I sinned against you and God.” His requests should have given us a picture perfect relationship. But they didn’t.
Aloud I said, “I forgive you.” Inside I hid the hurts to savor them for another day.
One day after his request for forgiveness, I sat in my cubicle at work and our separation came to mind. I worked as usual, answered my phone, talked to clients, and kept a smile on my face, but inside I fueled the flames of anger over the past.
Once I looked across the aisle to a cube-mate and thought, “You don’t have a clue of how I feel on the inside, and I'm not going to tell you.” I savored my hidden, hateful attitude.
Before the end of the day, I wrote an email to a trusted Christian co-worker. “Do you have time to walk? I need to talk before I travel home.” I waited an hour and when she didn't respond, I sent a second email: “Never mind. I got over it.”
To myself I thought, “Now I’ve added lying to the rest of my sins. I'm not over this problem.”
On the way home I prayed, “Lord, I have a good husband. You have allowed him to survive cancer and you have given us these days for a special reason. Help me to forget the past.” After that brief prayer, I turned on the radio and recognized Dennis Rainey's voice.
“Many women don't understand how to nurture their husbands. They either mother, master, or live like a martyr.”
Sure don't need to hear that.
I clicked the switch from radio Rainey to an Ezekiel study tape by Bible scholar Ray Mayhew. He talked about how far back you must go to find a nation that is far ahead of any other nation.
My mind wandered through his words until he asked, “Why did Rome fall?” The speaker hesitated a minute and then expounded upon how no nation had defeated Rome. Rome, in fact, imploded. "The people of Rome refused to listen to the word of God." I turned off the tape.
The word “implode” seared my mind, but like the Romans and the rebellious people of today, I refused to listen. I drove home to self-destruct. The minute I walked in our back door, I looked for a reason for my anger. “You didn't put the dishes away.” It didn’t matter that Jerry had vacuumed, I goaded him.
When I made a sarcastic comment, Jerry cracked a joke. When I snapped at him because he handled the dog in a way I didn’t like, he apologized and said he wouldn’t do it again.
When I didn’t applaud his bike riding efforts he just smiled at me like I belonged on that other planet.
He wouldn't fight. I finally gave up and went to bed, only sleep didn't come. The Lord kept talking to my heart about my problem, not about my husband's past sins. "Katie, you need to clean house. You have a stinky garbage pail attitude."
I reflected on the mother in The Atonement Child who experienced an abortion. She shared her actions with her husband and then felt his rejection for years afterwards. Even when he wanted to move beyond the pain, she didn't forget how his rejection hurt her.
The Lord nudged me. “Wake up my child, and remember last year when Jerry sat at death’s door. I've left him to live with you a while longer. Do you want to waste time refusing to forget or forgive?”
I finally fell asleep only to awaken at two a.m.
“My child I love you. I'm patient. If you look back through your journals you'll see you walked in this sewage-filled valley many times. Look at your Bible verse for this year.” Ezekiel 36:26 came to mind, “I will give you a new heart, and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”
“I gave it to you for this very reason. It's your turn to clean your heart of old anger and your unforgiveness.”
I realized that long after God's forgiveness washed my husband clean, I demanded atonement. My hardened heart refused to forgive. Somewhere I'd read a poster that said, “Forgiveness of Others is Freedom.”
“Lord, forgive me, please. Root out the unforgiveness in my heart.” Sleep came.
In the morning, I confessed to Jerry. “God showed me that you are not my enemy. I'm my own worst enemy for harboring all the old hurts, pains, and fear. God showed me yesterday I must change or implode. Please forgive me.”
We prayed together.
Now I think about our persistent Father God. He sent Ezekiel to his rebellious people with instructions to change or implode. The Lord used Christian fiction, and the Ezekiel scripture to set me on a right path.
When I forgave the past, God “removed my heart of stone and gave me a heart of flesh.”
Katy Jo Demaris writes using a pseudonym.
Selected articles from November & December 2007
Crunch Time Management (Part Two)
Interview with Cheryl Roland
CTTF: The idea of developing time management skills may sound overwhelming to someone whose life already seems out of control. How would you inspire her and help her get started?
I would encourage her to invest the first 15 minutes of each day reading God’s Word. He teaches us self-control. He gives us purpose and order and provides direction and wisdom in caring for our souls, our husbands, our children, and our homes.
I would point women like this to Psalm 139:1-6: “O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit or stand. When far away you know my every thought. You chart the path ahead of me, and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment, you know where I am. You know what I am going to say before I even say it. You both precede and follow me and place your hand of blessing on my head. This is too glorious, too wonderful to believe!” (TLB)
The Lord is constantly abiding, all knowing, all-powerful God. He cares about our time management frustrations. When things are out of control He is there, waiting for us to take the first step of surrender and receive His Holy Spirit.
Next, evaluate your time and space. Clear your mind, heart, home, car, and closets of clutter. You can be organized. Go to the library, Internet, or the bookstore to find resources that give step-by-step instructions on how to organize everything.
No matter how “out of control” you feel, if you establish goals and take one step at a time you will succeed. Encourage your children to organize their rooms and develop a time line that will help them easily accomplish their responsibilities. It could be a fun family project!
An old proverb says, “Begun is half done.” It’s about time to take action. Begin with the areas of your life you can improve and your enthusiasm will be contagious.
CTTF: When it comes right down to the nitty gritty of applying time management skills what helps you follow through?
We all need to be mindful of our minutes. Women are weary. Sometimes we need tools or people to help us regain perspective and stay organized.
Accountability partners help us become more aware of our time and how we use it. When you enter my mother’s home, you’re instantly aware of time because of her clock collection. At every hour the birds chirp, bells chime, figurines twirl to the sound of tinkling music, and the cuckoo clock sounds. The various noises remind us that the hour has power.
An accountability partner or organized friend can, like these clocks, sound a reminder that time is important. This friend can motivate us to set boundaries and establish priorities.
Sometimes, a more organized friend might be able to teach us tips that will help us de-clutter and organize drawers, closets, and kitchen supplies, and make our homes more efficient. They can help us get our things and priorities established so we only need an occasional check up.
A day planner or notebook for recording tasks is helpful. A systematic approach to life brings peace and a sense of accomplishment. It can also make us accountable. Learn from people who are efficient and seek their counsel. Surrounding yourself with such friends will motivate you to be the best you can be. Proverbs 27:17 says it well, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
CTTF: With time management, we have to pick and choose what we believe God is leading us to do. That could mean giving up or temporarily putting aside an activity, or adjusting the amount of time we spend with certain people. In these situations, how do you “lose the guilt?”
We must recognize when we are too busy, when we are tired, when we are irritable, sick, and in need of medical care. Without comparing ourselves to others, we must understand that God has gifted and equipped each of us differently. We must know ourselves, our talents, our abilities, weaknesses, and limitations.
Patsy Clairmont puts it well, “If there is no peace in your pace, you’re not running God’s race, you’re running one of your own.”
Balance in our homes, churches, and spiritual lives is possible if we’re willing to let God show us His priorities. Getting adequate rest, learning to say “No” and “Yes” according to God’s direction, taking time off, and planning for fun are important aspects of a balanced life.
At one point I was stressed to the breaking point, a time bomb ready to explode. All of my efforts seemed to be poured into counseling others with marital problems, mental problems, or money problems.
During this time I spent hours on the telephone with one friend. Day and night she drained my energy and kept me from fulfilling my responsibilities. My husband eventually spoke the words I needed to hear. “Jesus didn’t solve everyone’s problems when He was on earth. What makes you think you can?”
I immediately started pointing her to the Lord more so she would turn to Him. I learned to pray with her over the phone and searched the Scriptures so I was prepared to share His Words of encouragement when she called. In time, my friend came to know the “Wonderful Counselor” and is now living victoriously!
CTTF: Why is having a regular quiet time essential to effective time management?
In quiet time we gain the mind of Christ. Our emotions are surrendered into His care. Fear, fret, and worry all melt into faith when we’re absorbed in His presence. Somehow when we invest time in God, He multiplies our resources and blesses our work with productivity. Disciplined time results in a disciplined mind. “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you” (Isaiah 26:3).
Being still is so difficult. At times I have anchored myself to the chair in forced stillness. Being quiet before God involves anticipation and faith that He will speak. I must be still and know that He is God. I must listen; not complain, not argue, not debate, but be still and know He is God! Job 40:1-5 (TLB) is certainly a message for me many times: “The Lord went on: “’Do you still want to argue with the Almighty: Or will you yield? Do you – God’s critic – have the answers?’” Then Job replied to God: “I am nothing—how could I ever find the answers? I lay my hand upon my mouth in silence. I have said too much already.’”
CTTF: How do quiet time, rest, proper nourishment, and exercise work into your schedule?
I must depend on God each day to find time to enjoy a quality quiet time, proper rest, good nutrition, and exercise. When left to my own resources I fail miserably.
Rolling out of bed is the first test. It often isn’t what I want to do, but what I must do! The next step requires strength to ignore all other distractions until I am absorbed in God’s Word.
Exercise? Her name is GUS. A mixture of chow, hound dog, and pure stubborn will, she drags me from fence post to fire hydrant. It isn’t easy to say no to Gus, so consequently, I can say yes to exercise. However mild it sounds, it qualifies.
Gus provides me with a chance to breathe in God’s fresh air and breathe out the stresses of time demands and deadlines. Often God will give me a song of praise while we walk or a Scripture to memorize.
My husband and I work too many hours a day, eat too much fast food, and sleep on the go, but our deepest joy is to serve the Lord Jesus Christ. God is compressing our minutes into seconds, forcing us to prioritize and seek Him first. “With God, one day is as good as a thousand years, a thousand years as a day. God isn’t late with His promise as some measure lateness. He is restraining Himself on account of you, holding back the End because he doesn’t want anyone lost. He’s giving everyone space and time to change” (2 Peter 3:8-9 The Message).
Time is life. It’s irreversible and irreplaceable. Let’s make the most of it for God’s glory, honor, and praise!
The Call To Erick
Karen Wylie
After our marriage, Chuck and I moved to Oklahoma City where he began school to study for the ministry. Many weekends we conducted revivals or filled the pulpit for churches in a pastor’s absence. Once we traveled more than one hundred miles west to a church. After the morning service one of the church ladies asked, “Brother Wylie, would you consider becoming our pastor?”
“Oh, no,” Chuck replied. “I couldn’t do that. I have to finish college first, and this church is too far from school for me to drive back and forth.”
The lady persisted. “Brother Wylie, if you’ll come be our pastor, you could still drive back and forth to school. We’ll make any concessions necessary.”
Finally, Chuck said we would pray about it. And we did pray, but not with a very open mind, I’m afraid. The days became weeks when the congregation extended a formal call. Until then our communication with them had been only informal conversation, but now they wanted a definite answer. We began to pray more diligently because we didn’t want to make a mistake.
I thought of many reasons why we couldn’t move. We were expecting our first child, and I would have to change doctors. If I quit my job in Oklahoma City, we would lose our medical insurance. The move would take us three hundred miles from my parents, and this would be their first grandchild. Worst of all, Chuck’s mother was dying with cancer and the move would take us farther away from her.
Even though Chuck and I diligently sought God’s will, He seemed to be silent. We continued to work and attend class, waiting for Him to reveal His will to us.
Three or four nights after Chuck received the formal call, I was pouring out my heart in prayer. Finally I declared, “Lord, I’m not leaving this place of prayer until You show us what to do.” In the Christian circles in which I was raised, this was called “praying through”— focused praying about an issue until God brought the clear answer. That night I prayed until I fell asleep on my knees without receiving an answer.
After Chuck left for his classes the next morning, I was washing the breakfast dishes. A hymn we had sung in church the previous Sunday kept dancing through my mind. I began to sing, “Anywhere with Jesus I can safely go. Anywhere He leads me in this world below.”
From seemingly out of nowhere the Lord spoke to my spirit, “Anywhere. Will you go to this church that has called?”
“Well, yes, Lord,” I gasped, “if that’s what You want.”
As I finished singing the hymn, the words of the verses swallowed every
argument I had offered for not going to Erick.
I began to cry and praise the Lord in my tiny rented kitchen. I couldn’t wait for my husband to return from class so that I could tell him the exciting news.
As soon as Chuck entered the door, I rushed to hug him, declaring, “Oh, Honey, we have to move. od told me this morning while you were in class.”
“I know,” came his reply. “I prayed until I got an answer three days ago, but I knew you’d have to pray about it for yourself.”
How wisely God had guided my husband to grant me time to pray for His answer! Later in that church when the devil attacked us with all his schemes, the confidence that God had called us there kept us going.
Karen Wylie lives in Nocona, Texas
Taking the ME Out of Christmas
Pam Enderby
“I know exactly what I want for Christmas,” Anna announced one hot August afternoon. Shopping on the Internet she had found a digital 740 Olympus camera.
“How much does it cost?”
“Two hundred twenty dollars if I get the blue one instead of the silver one,” she explained in a tone trying to convince me it was a really good deal.
I gulped. In addition to Anna starting her “wish list” I sensed the holiday hype brewing as I read this ad. “Why settle for the toy everyone has? Get your child a unique Christmas toy this year.” With four months away from this holy holiday, retailers have already started blitzing the media with messages to buy, spend, and buy some more.
A warning signal blinked inside my head. I knew full well that by December Anna’s lighthearted, enthusiastic request could possibly turn into a whiny, upgraded phrase, “I need this, Mom.” No one is immune to the lures of holiday greed and self-centeredness. Consumerism can easily creep into our hearts and take over. Thoughts of how God had helped us take the “me” out of Christmas in previous years quickly returned.
While rearing five young children and in hot pursuit of honoring Jesus on His “birthday,” I pleaded with Him to help our family realize the true meaning of Christmas. Just as Jesus came to earth to lay down His life for us, I longed that we believe it’s possible to get the most out of this life when we give ours away. While asking for help, the Holy Spirit unfolded the following creative ideas and also filled our hearts with God’s love to apply them (Romans 5:5). When His love consumes our hearts, obedience is actually fun! It leaves us refreshed, satisfied and full of energy. After the holidays, it doesn’t get any better than that!
Love expands when you give it away
Christmas week our family chooses one evening after dinner to go on our annual “Christmas lighting” adventure. First we crowd into our van and head for the nearest 7-11 store. On the way, five excited kids discuss their favorite drink for the journey– a cup of hot chocolate or steaming cappuccino. Then with drinks in hand and soft Christmas music playing, we begin our trek through lit up neighborhoods. Sometimes we travel many miles before determining who has the best-dressed holiday decorations. Finally, everyone picks their favorite, casts their vote and the majority wins. As the children discuss who will present the grand prize – a box of assorted chocolates to the homeowner, my husband pulls into their driveway.
The porch light turns on, a door opens and then a moment of explanation. “Every year our family chooses a home that we think has the prettiest Christmas decorations. Your home has won!” While the rest of us wait in the van with our windows rolled down, we offer friendly waves.
It amazes me how a box of chocolates with a Scripture note attached evokes such huge smiles and so many “thank yous.” You’d think the winner had just received a million dollar check!
Visiting nursing home residents also creates heart transformations. For example, Ben’s mutual kindness, squeezing our hand tightly while thanking us with tear-filled eyes for visiting him, melts our hearts. When Anna plays the piano, several of the residents sing along and clap their hands. It doesn’t matter how many mistakes she makes. Using her amateurish talent for God’s glory still ushers in His loving presence.
One year we invited Julie, a homeless young woman, to join our family festivities. She enjoyed helping me prepare Christmas dinner, attended Christmas Eve service with us, and opened gifts with us. Her eyes danced with joy as each family member presented her a small gift: perfume, gift certificates, and earrings. Sometimes giving is about how we love just one person.
Another way we learned how to make Christmas a holy holiday is by supporting Angel Tree. This ministry reaches out to an estimated 2.3 million children of inmates and their families with the love of Christ. When our children were young they would pool their allowances to help buy an “angel” a gift. In Matthew 18:5 Jesus said, “Whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.” Is it any wonder we experience the greater blessing in giving rather than receiving?
Just like the little boy who shared his two fish and five loaves of bread, God takes whatever we have to give, multiplies it and accomplishes His loving purposes. Our family is learning that our willingness to give is more important than the amount we give. Love expands as we give it away, not only in the receiver’s heart, but also in the one who gives.
Loving others makes your joy complete
Jesus said that if we obey His commands, we remain in His love, and then His joy is made complete in us (John 15: 10-11). By intentionally loving others, which involves a “less of me, more of Him attitude,” our family continues to taste His abundant joy, especially during the holiday season.
Our favorite memories revolve ar