Rejected!

Dear Aletha,

My husband and I have been asked to leave the church we have pastored for five years. We had no inkling our parishioners were discontented. Then—wham! We were fired and don’t even know why. We feel so low we could slide under the door.

Sometimes I think I can forgive. At other times the pain of rejection is intense. I truly want Jesus to give me grace so bitterness won’t invade my soul. I know that the way we handle this will affect our children. Do you have any suggestions to help us get through this time without resentment and critical spirits?
Sandy

Dear Sandy,
Now is the time to allow healing to begin. Despite your heartache and feelings of rejection, you must not let resentment invade your souls, or you could become spiritually crippled. Even worse, the price might be your children.

In 1991 we published an article by another pastor’s wife who had experienced the same type of rejection. She knew that if she and her husband, Walter, showed vengeful spirits, they might lose their son from the church forever. Here, in her words, is what kept them steadfast during their crisis:

“We joined hands and hearts in prayer. We asked God to keep us sweet and Christ-like in all things. We pleaded for help to love our enemies. We knew we could never do it in our own power. That was to become our daily prayer in the dark days ahead. We were to learn anew what it means to agonize in prayer.
“I spent much time on my hands and knees, scrubbing our king-sized kitchen floor. As I worked I sang hymns and prayed for myself, my family, and the church. Gradually the torment in my soul was scrubbed clean, too.

“No matter what triggers the rejection or who is hurt by it, unless healing occurs, the wound will continue to fester. The cure may take a long time, but that makes it no less complete. We found ours through loving our enemies (with God’s help), praying often for them and for us, and by steadfastly refusing to retaliate in any way.

“Sometimes God helps heal through others. Several weeks after the initial hurt, Walter visited a sick parishioner. Her parting comment to him that day was, “Pastor, the greatest sermon you ever preached was your beautiful attitude after that bad vote.” Her words fell like drops of healing balm on our hearts.

“Over the years some of the people have implied to others that they regretted their hasty action toward us. Occasionally, we run across some of these same people, and we have managed to treat each with Christian love. Neither they nor we have ever made any reference to the vote. Some things are better left unsaid.

“We have long since forgiven each one. We didn’t do it because we are super-Christians or because my husband is a minister. It was because life is too short, and eternity too long, to hold grudges.”

“Love our enemies? Pray for them? Yes! That is Christ’s command. Easy? No! Possible? Indeed! With Paul we have discovered ‘I can do all things through Him who strengthens me’ (Philippians 4:13 NASB).”

Her son who lived through this trauma is now in his mid-twenties and serves the Lord joyfully. That alone is reward enough for their staunch refusal to let bitterness overtake them in their time of rejection.

The last verse of Psalm 37 promises that He will deliver and save those who “take refuge in him.” I'm praying you will take refuge in Jesus. I recall a time of feeling rejected. I had just talked with someone on the phone who had said some hurtful things. When I hung up and was feeling the pain of that rejection, Jesus said, "Let Me bear that for you," and the Scripture came to me "The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me" (Romans 15:3). At that moment, He became my burden bearer and the pain of rejection dissipated.

I know you are dealing with something much larger than a phone call. Still, He invites you to nestle into His arms. Memorizing Scriptures such as Psalm 37 would give you strength. I pray that you will have grace to allow Jesus to be more to you than ever before.

In His love,

Aletha

Email your question to aletha@cometothefire.org.